I Want My Solitary Night Walks


All I want is a solitary night walk. I want to feel the cool air on my skin. I want to feel the stress of my day leaving me with each step I take. I want my head to be clear.  Is this too much to ask?

I want to be able to take a walk at night by myself. But, when I asked mom if I could her response was, “Uhm, I don’t think that is a good idea.”  The fact that if I were a teenage boy it would be perfectly fine for me to walk the streets at night alone and not be scared, and not keep my mother worried is so, so, wrong. So? She was right. It is dangerous. That is a fact. But, I don’t just want to leave it at that;  “it is simply the reality we girls have to live.” No thanks.

Walking alone is MY outlet, and by not being able to, I am oppressed. I want to enjoy my solitary night walks. I want my possible future daughter to enjoy them…and her daughter.   I want every woman to be able to have that outlet, that meditation, without jumping at every sound she hears, or have to “struggle” with her bag every time she passes a man. The fact that I can not is victimization, oppression, and simply demeaning in the rawest sense of the words.

I want my solitary night walks. It is wrong that I feel I have to emphasize that I am not over exaggerating. This is real. I can feel the truth of it all pushing out on all sides of me. I want my solitary night walks.

I won’t stop saying it. Screaming it even. Not until I, and every other woman, can walk those beautiful starry streets and not be in danger. I won’t stop screaming it. I can say I am not a victim. I can keep expressing my point. The fact is though, that no matter how I look at this, I still can’t have my solitary night walks.

I realize, I have it good. I am a healthy, educated, well fed, caucasian female from a loving home. Oppression comes in layers. All I did was write in my journal and now I am publishing this to you. Can someone please tell me, how not to be a victim?



About Author

My name is Shanti Balam Belaustegui Pockell. I've got a mom from America and a dad from Argentina, but I was born in Mexico. I have been living in Bali, Indonesia and attending the Green School for about three years now, and this is my second year blogging.

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